1. Senator Thune, Representative Noem, and SD Governor Daugaard Press conference in Howes, SD.
The South Dakota trio of Republicans admitted today that they are all suffering from severe and acute cluelessness and are checking into the National Clueless Anonymous Recovery Center. The center specializes in intensive reality information infusions which are aimed at flushing out of politican's systems all Fox News Faux news, all trickle-down economic mythology, and all balderdash from columnists like Rush Limbaugh, Charles Krauthammer, George Will, and several other right-wing apology inventors and mythology wind mills.
The trio stepped away from the Political Hack Mobile TV unit and hopped into a luxury limo from the Clueless Anonymous Center and rolled away from the remote prairie crossroads. ------- Story from Oscar Olesonsen, Back Story Editor of Lumbago Times.
2. South Dakota Native Americans News from Las Vegas PowWow.
South Dakota tribal leaders have announced from their joint tribal conference in Las Vegas, Nevada that within 5 years, they hope to have all members of their tribes out of their "white-eyes" housing and into hide tents. This is all conditional of course on getting federal funding for tent poles and if cattle hide supplies are sufficient, enough donations to purchase the hundreds of tons necessary.
The tribal cultural superiority officer announced that this is part of the project to respect the tribal hunting and gathering culture. This is a grand day and will be a powerful affirming wave to get our young people back to primitive outdoor greatness.
Another part of the plan is to dispose of all vehicles with rubber tires and use proceeds to buy all wild horses in the US.
The affirming ceremony was finished with a lot of hoopla and chanting of many tribal songs with drum beats like cannon shots and much singing of terms with meaning similar to "tra, la, la" in English. ---- Story by Okla Laughing Star posting from Las Vegas poolside.
3. US Senator Mitch McConnell, Republican, and US Representative John Boehner, Republican, hold press conference.
McConnell and Boehner announced that from now on the only federal homebuilding and military structure funding they will support must all be on the lowest US coastlines. Boehner stated, "This will reassure our God-fearing constituents that we do not believe any man-made actions influence the world climate. Only God can influence the climate. We are justifiably proud to get behind the faith that triumphs scientific research including theories of evolution and geology, astronomy, cosmology, and especially meteorology,"
Boehner and McConnell also mentioned the recent United Nations report on global warming by stating they would ignore any findings from pointy-headed socialist scientists who never consult a Bible EVERY day. Boehner reminded all that he had made a fundamentalist head of the house science committee. He of course is a global warming denier who probably believes the world was actually created in six days.
McConnell warned that it was dangerous to favor findings of meteorologists over Nancy Reagan's astrologer and noted some of the meteorogists also consort with know economists who may have projected global collapse as a consequence of God's weather management. ----------- Story from Flack-Burst Advertising and Sewage Pumping Service.
**** Stay tuned even if you can't find these news sources with Google--- Doug Wiken