A day or two ago, SDPB-Radio had Click and Clack(The Tappet Brothers) or actually Tom and Ray Magliozzi on CAR TALK They now and then tell some terrible jokes. This one was suggested as depriving one of them a place to sleep that night.
A guy was cleaning old stuff off his basement shelves when he grabbed an antique-looking bottle; but then dropped it on the concrete floor. It shattered and a genie popped up in the fumes (amazing how that worked). He announces, "You have ONE wish." The guy is a bit flustered, but sharp enough to say that he wants to discuss things first while thinking about the one option. He tells the genie he really wants to visit Hawaii, but if he has only one wish, he would end up stranded there and does not like getting seasick or airsick on a ship or airplane. He stammers around for awhile and then says, how about building a bridge from California to Hawaii. The genie is not very amused and starts raising objections. He rolls his eyes and says the pylons for a bridge might be 2 miles long into the ocean, there would have to be shipping lane heights, and all kinds of government objections. Then the genie says, "Can't you think of something else you would want?"
The guy thinks for awhile and then says, "Give me the power to understand women.". The genie then says, "Do you want two lanes or four lanes on your bridge?"
Meanwhile way up there in the great unknown, St. Peter is amused to find four guys in front of him who died at nearly the same time and had some widely varying IQ's. St. Peter says to the first, "You have a 140 IQ. Did you get through your advanced degree programs?" "Yes, replied the guy, " and I had a good and successful life filled with joy and adventure." St. Peter nods to the second guy. "You have a 120 IQ. How did college work out for you?" Similar answer. Guy says that he got a business degree and started a really good business." St Peter looks at the third guy. "You had a 100 IQ. Did you get an education?" "Yup"replies the guy,"and I used my technical advanced courses to set up a manufacturing and repair facility that employed a lot of good people."
St. Peter then looked down on the fourth guy and said, "You have an IQ of 80. Did you ever get your trophy deer?"
And meanwhile more or less back in the real world (some years past), a small South Dakota town (West Carbuncle..not the real town) had kind of a mediocre weekly newspaper replete with errors that made it a bit of a target for coffee shop conversation. One of the more egregious was supposed to have been an ad for a clothing store where the editor or proofreader let an ad for "$1.99 Special on RED SHIRTS" go into a big headline, but without the "R" in "Shirt". That led to one of the wags coming up behind the editor as he was drinking coffee in a booth and whispering in his ear (loud enough that everybody could hear it of course), "Editor (not his real name), You will just have to reduce the amount of ink in your paper. The stuff is staining my rear end black."
That is a bit like what was told to the Rapid City Journal after they printed an ad in purple scented with pungent artificial grape. Somebody called in and told them they had the wrong format. It should be in rolls about 5 inches wide and cut into convenient squares. Sad to say, I am now old enough to remember Old Sears and Montgomery Ward catalogs left in out houses just in case the regular toilet paper was gone. The EARL cowboy cartoon in the Mitchell Daily Republic had a panel a few months ago with an outhouse on the prairie with a satellite dish hanging on it. A couple of cowboys riding by and one says, "People just aren't reading as much as they used to."
I suspect that particular EARL cartoon left some rural younger readers wondering what was funny about that and some old city slickers expressing contempt for low-brow outhouse humor..
I guess that is enough "sexism" and crap-related humor for today.
*** Stay tuned even if you have some real high-toned taste that causes heart palpitations at the sight or hearing of even slightly course humor. More serious "stuff" to come..one of these days--- Doug Wiken